Written by: Charles McHale
Photo Courtesy www.chipotle.com Being an average over-weight American, I sure need to know my best fast food resorts. Yes, Mdonald's; yes, Burger King. But when we know our fast food, high appetites mean high expectations. Chipotle! I mean... Chipotle. I know, I know... they have a way of being front about their genetically modified ingredients. But really, to be fair, that's what's so horrible about them! They admitted to it! Bullshit I say.
Okay, so it's a terrible idea to genetically make your stuff delicious they say. But I don't see what all the hoopla is about. I'm saying that whenever I eat a McDonald's Chicken McNugget, I feel like I'm on top of a mountain yelling, "I'm on top of a mountain eating a McDonald's Chicken McNugget with McDonald's Sweet and Sour sauce". Then I think to myself, "this is delicious". But I never think I'm eating something genetically modified, but it's because they don't do it. It's literally impossible for these fast food trends to be looked at as a fallacy. Take Wendy's for example.
Sometimes I think, "what is Wendy's?" Then I think, "Wendy's is food, for real." Sometimes people tell me that Wendy's has more than 3 million ingredients in their Frosty. I say, that's impossible. There is no way that we could put 3 million ingredients in a Frosty, let alone an at-home-meal of grilled chicken. So why do people say these things? Well, scientists studies say that 7 out of 8 people want to trash talk about big corporations because of how jealous they are about the "big money" they're making. I see where they're coming from, I wish I made money like that too. Like, if I made money like that, I would buy a whole new television with that sweet cash. I might even buy a Matchbox 20 album if to be so bold ;).... People just don't realize that when a commercial tells us it's real, it's just gotta be the real deal. Chipotle? That's bullshit. Now we know we're effed, theoretically. But how bad may it be?
McDonald's? Same thing. Slogan: We Make it Your Way. How much more can I say? Nothing. But that's what we need to know from our fast food entrepreneurs. They care about us, and they care about what we eat. "We want food just as much as we want our lives", says we. We want our food the way we want it, "Um, Whopper with extra cheese and hold the boom boom sauce and the pickles, American Cheese, lettuce, tomato, onions, burger patty and cheese". That's what I say when I go to McDonald's. And they say, "Your way sir". I know that I don't get the read between the lines genetic super meat patties. I get what I want, My Way.
Photo Courtesy CNN
Tell me what's wrong with this picture. I know, I have no idea. But I'm told this is the epitome of bad ingredients to food. Look, I like fast food just as much as the next guy, but this shit is f#cked up. Are we really being told that we're putting genetic material into our chicken and other taco stuff all the time for people to eat at Chipotle!? Listen people, this is so f#cked up. This means a number of genetic fallacies that can be put into our food. Number one, different genetics of a chicken (if chicken is the meat that we chose). Number two, different genetics of other stuff that we put in a taco (if we decide that other stuff is the meat that we put into a taco).
Don't quote me on this, but it seems to me that genetics in food can mean a whole new realm to food. This means we could add DNA of any type to our food. Being as strong of a theory as it may be, it's okay.. it gets stronger. We could make our dreams extend the way we want by genetically putting DNA of someone like Rick Moranis or even Hollywood heartthrob, Gary Busy into our everyday dollar hot dog from McDonald's. This means that everyone could be just as genius and successful as these two gents if they just eat at McDonald's as if they would at Chipotle. I think this may be a new slogan.. "Smart Food".
Again, don't quote me on this, but it seems to me that genetics in food can mean a whole new realm to food. This means we could add DNA of any type to our food. We could make our dreams extend the way we want by genetically putting DNA of someone like Pauly Shore or even Hollywood heartthrob Andy Dick into our everyday dollar Spaghetti from Burger King. This means that everyone could be just as genius and successful as these two gents if they just eat at Burger King as if they would at Chipotle. I think this may be a new slogan.. "Smarter Food". But again, another time, don't quote me. I'm just a strong follower of The Grand Design.
What if They use Semen In their Food for Genetics!?
They won't.
So How Do we Know?
If we see someone doing "The Weasel" at a local coffee shop or another person with teeth the size of a horse pumping gas, we know that these people could possibly be eating at the best restaurant in the world, Chipotle. Let's just pray that these Chipotle restaurants are genetically modifying us the way we need to. Burger King and McDonald's? Well, you'll need to catch up with this DNA fad. We know your food is the real deal.
Written by: Charles McHale
