Ear <3 potatoes
Potatoes. Oh potatoes. What a great piece of food it might be. Potatoes come in many different shapes and sizes, mostly potato. How many potatoes can a human eat in one sitting? Probably a lot. How many can I eat? Probably a lot. It's not really my favorite food, but it's still a good one. But just like anything else, there are literally infinite ways to prepare it. Since there are so many ways of preparing it, I would guess it's probably my favorite food. So what kind of prep are we talking about? I have about 4 favorite savory preps that will make the common person, you, have their mouth watering in seconds. Not mine.
Kansas City Potato
Here's a potato recipe that you all might be familiar with, but I put my own little twist on it. Kansas City Potato had its start many years ago during the formation of Kansas from the Irish. It was just around 1497 when they decided to make something new, hip and fresh. The Kansas City Potato was originally called the Kansas Potato where preparation requires at least one hundred potatoes and they are all soaked in water. Then after they're soaked for at least 30 seconds, you eat them. Now believe you me, I enjoy a Kansas Potato just as much as the next guy, but I thought I would add a little extra "zing". Instead of soaking the potatoes in water, I'll soak them in BBQ sauce. But instead of soaking them for 30 seconds, I'll soak them for 25 seconds, just so that the potato isn't too overcome with the BBQ flavor. And that's a Kansas City Potato.
Now that's a potato!
Potato Shredded
What's one of the most common potato recipes? Baked potato. Anyway, a lot of people like to make the Shredded Potato which is the process of taking a shredder, and then shredding the potato. Added variations you might ask? Shredded Potato with ketchup, or even Shredded Potato without ketchup. So what's Potato Shredded? Well it's actually not too much different from our traditional Shredded Potato. To make Potato Shredded, take a handful of hand-sized potatoes, roughly 37, and cut each one in half. Take each right half of the potato, and put all of those halves into a small mixing bowl. The left half is just filler, you could throw those out. Then, to the mixing bowl, add a teaspoon of non-dairy creamer but half less than that. Here's where the shredded part comes into play. Maybe 7 squares of wheat cereal blocks are a good amount, and rip them to shreds (that pun was on purpose). Don't put them in the mixing bowl though, leave them on the side for now. Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees, and try to concentrate to make it heat up faster. After the oven is ready, put the potatoes (bowl and all) into the oven. If the bowl melts, don't worry about it, you could get a new one. If it doesn't melt, get one that would. And that's how we make Potato Shredded.
Potato A La Mode
Needs a little more something?
Now, as you can see to the right, that is a traditional fried Potato a la Mode, one of my favorite potato entrees. Want to know how to make it? Well it's pretty simple actually. First thing you want to do is prepare your sauce. In the picture here, we see a caramel sauce. I prefer a raspberry sauce from fresh raspberries. We'll start with 2 quarts of raspberries. We're going to put them into a blender and combine it with a touch of orange juice and some white sugar. Blend the ingredients and put them into a saucepan. Separately, we'll mix corn starch with water to make a nice smooth slurry to add thickness to the raspberry sauce. Make sure the water and the corn starch are mixed well with a whisk. This way, the liquid will be consistent. After we heat the other ingredients in the saucepan, we're going to slowly pour our slurry into the heated saucepan, whisking all the way through. After the mixture is done, we're going to pour it into a small metal bowl. We'll then take a much larger bowl and fill it with ice water and submerge the metal bowl into it. This will let the sauce cool down quicker and let it thicken. In the meantime, we can fry up some waffle fries, or what have you. Then we'll get our favorite ice cream from the freezer and top it on our fried potato variation. Add a touch of salt (sweet and salty is awesome). By this time, our raspberry sauce should be cooled down and very thick. Drizzle it over the Potato a la Mode and add some parsley flakes for garnish. Then add 2 to 3 bottles of ketchup. Don't be shy, maybe even add a 4th bottle if you want. This potato recipe is really great for dinner parties, especially if you want to impress your friends or save yourself from the awkward tension from the in-laws.
Decade old spuds!
Rotten Potato Sandwich
Rotten potatoes eh? Yes, aged cheddar, aged wine and aged scotch are some of our finest delicacies. So what's holding us back from aging potatoes as well? Aged potatoes are fantastic. If I'm on vacation, and I really want to treat myself, I make sure my potatoes are aged well for a prime high end meal. So what's the going rate of a good aged potato? 50 cents? 75 cents? Try $3000 for a single ounce. That also depends on the age too. Word has it that a potato dish with century old potatoes can rate up to 3 million dollars. 3 million dollars? That's enough to buy the world! Though these potatoes are extremely rare, this recipe is something that can be done right at your own household in only seconds, without the hassle of using our everyday time machine. Instead, we're going to use our teleportation device. We're going to need 2 for this situation. The first teleportation device will hold our potatoes. We'll fill it with our traditional a lot of potatoes and prepare it to the latitude and longitude of 25.0000 degrees North, and 71.0000 degrees West. I'm getting hungry already! Then we'll make the second teleportation device at the same latitude and longitude. This teleportation device will be set for ourselves. Easily, we'll set these devices for 3 seconds, but we'll set them on an auto timer of 10 seconds (since we can't set the other device while we're being teleported ourselves). When we arrive to the teleport location, we're dead. The Rotten Potato Sandwich still hasn't been made yet. But you could be the first to make it exist!
So, What did you think?
So, what did you think? Did you like my famous potato recipes? Famous only to my area, but you could now make them famous all over the world! If you have any questions, or comments, send them right here at the bottom of the screen! There's a comment box there. And if you have your own potato variations, drop a line! I'm a little more open minded than you would think! Thanks for reading. And remember, as I always say, it's always good to eat something!
Written by: Charles McHale
Written by: Charles McHale
Warning: This article was made primarily for satire and humor.
Do not attempt to make any of these recipes in this article,
for they could lead to serious illness or even death.
Do not attempt to make any of these recipes in this article,
for they could lead to serious illness or even death.
