DOOM Beta recently launched on April 14th for an entire weekend of blood, guts, and BFGs. Okay, maybe the BFG itself didn't make an appearance but that doesn't mean that the guns weren't fucking big. While I should have been doing more important things, I had decided that raging my way around DOOM Beta's multiplayer maps would be time well spent. I also got to push my computer to its limits, cranking up the settings and recording some footage to toss into a few different videos.

The first video is a little something I like to call Bloodrun, showing every single one of my frags and deaths neatly wrapped in a soggy box and tied together with the end trails of my adversaries. I know...gross. You won't see the usual onslaught of demons, but you do get to experience the terror of the Revenant. Picking up a special ability allows players to turn into that bastard for 60 seconds while jet packing and double rocket blasting their way through enemies. Every time the announcer comes on and tells you a Revenant spawns, you almost immediately shit your pants. It's hard to take one down because they are swift on their feet and have about three times the amount of health as you do.

And speaking of shitting ones pants...if an enemy is lucky enough to get behind you, you're in for a really sweet takedown animation where your head gets twisted and ripped off or you get punched into a million pieces. Yeah, it's pretty satisfying to watch.

If you happen to be more of a purist, you might enjoy watching this gameplay video. You get to see the sweet menus, loading screens, customizations, and the multiplayer lobby. Enjoy!

Patti LaBelle's If You Asked Me To was played in a commercial during the 90s and my much smaller spongy kid brain must have decided to cache this one forever. Thanks TV.

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

Nintendo is in deep trouble. Their CEO, Satoru Iwata, took a 50% pay cut. Nintendo expects a loss of 25 billion yen instead of gaining 52 billion yen and there's still no compelling reason to buy a Wii U. Where's Metroid? Where's Zelda? Where's all the other great characters that I'm all of a sudden forgetting about because it's been so very long since I've seen them? 

Nintendo could have delivered a powerhouse of a console but instead, they decided to go with innovation a second time around which worked so very well for the Wii. The GamePad is the Wii U's ball and chain and Nintendo wants developers to make cool software which could help sell it. Is it the developers' fault for being too lazy? I think they already have their jobs cut out for them with not only the Xbox One and PS4, but also with iOS and Android which are cash cows if you're lucky enough to have a killer app.

Their way of innovating is the reason they aren't competing with the Xbox One or the PS4. They distanced themselves too far from gamers this time and they don't seem to be able to dig themselves out of their hole. Investors want Nintendo to start developing titles for iOS and Android but then they'd become Sega. I actually want innovation. The 3DS is a fantastic handheld but since smartphones have replaced nearly every device on the market, there's really no need. In fact, when's the last time you've heard about the PS Vita? Who cares. If I can get cool games right now without having to spend an additional pile of cash on another mobile device that doesn't connect to 4G or enable me to connect with my friends on my favorite social networks, then I don't care.

Well I do care. I love the 3DS's ability to StreetPass with other players. You would be tickled to find out the amount of people I've passed and the countries that they were from. Now imagine if Nintendo decided to make the perfect smartphone that is also a gaming device. Or just install a Qualcomm chip into my 3DS and I'd be very happy. Of course, their software and interface would have to be drastically different and deals would have to be made with cellphone providers. But if anybody could do it, Nintendo could, right? Maybe years ago, but this Nintendo just released one of their best franchises Mario Kart 8 and they're already projecting to be in a deep financial hole. It's unfortunate that they weren't able to push software like this out on day one because this might have sold me. Might have.

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

Amazon just announced the fireTV. It's essentially like Apple TV or Roku but adds some compelling features to truly make it stand out. The fireTV represents the beginning of the next generation of streaming boxes with the addition of gaming, voice recognition, and instant streaming. Not to mention, Amazon is publishing its own games and producing its own TV shows such as Sev Zero and Alpha House respectively. 

If you don't already own a streaming box, I would highly recommend the fireTV. It trounces the other streamers currently on the market without limiting the services on the device exclusively to Amazon. Netflix users can rejoice! Here's the kicker: Apple is no doubt way ahead of Amazon. It's only a matter of time before they introduce the next generation Apple TV. To be honest, the Adreno 320 graphics chip inside the fireTV is a bit dated, however, very powerful. Apple's custom 64-bit desktop class A7 chip is way more powerful and has been on the market since September 2013 and if Apple decides to introduce the next Apple TV with the A8 chip, it's game over fireTV in terms of performance. 

Each device is set at $99 but it's really all down to functionality and what will work best for you. If you absolutely must buy a streaming box right now, the fireTV is a no-brainer. But I would recommend waiting, as the fireTV is sure to light the competition ablaze.

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics

During the month of April it is declared that you are a fool. That is to say, we are fools. The fools of the month are nothing more than gullible folk, pressured into participating in foolish acts. I can rephrase it and rephrase it, however, I only need to declare that April Fools Day is a big pile of rubbish that only fools partake in. < That right there is declared to be a dangling preposition but is it's usage only to make angry, those who hate bad grammer? Or does using bad spelling drive us into deep holes in the ground, only to come up for air that is as sweet as proper usage. I don't believe that we can escape a single day without some type of tomfoolery. All of us are children in some way or another. Children are better behaved on April Fools Day because its their parents that dare to teach them the ways of the foolish. They become tainted with our desire to fool and be fooled, and trick and be tricked. They are bamboozled when a rainbow is claimed to be outside and also double. They run like mad-men and mad-women over to the window only to find out that nothing could be farther from the truth and now, grandma is in the corner snickering and pointing her finger directly at this poor child who has no idea what just happened. Their self-esteem has either gone out the window or their confidence has been intrigued to behave mischievously for the rest of time. And thus, the tradition of April Fools Day shall live on or die in that exact moment. The same moment that will someday create an ouch or a tear, a fluttering heart or a gasp of breath. It's also the same moment that instills fear for those with self-esteem so very low, that it will have them cowering behind invisible walls and create closed-eye syndrome that could sell prescription drugs as easily as saying the words, "April Fools!"

By: Alex Zarnoski | @ajazz16 | Crappy Comics