Image Credit: Alex Zarnoski
Hi there. My name is Dr. Pooper. You may remember me from such shows as The Salinor Show 8: A Doctor and His Salsbury In 3D. Since then I’ve been exploring the world of nutrition with my friend, Helper, searching for better ways to take care of your pooper. Today we’ll be discussing one of my favorite discoveries: The Mediterranean Healthy Eating Lifestyle.
Health Tip of the Day
A diet rich in nuts,
A diet rich in beans,
A diet rich in vegetables and fruit,
Will keep your body lean.
But if you wish upon a fish,
And rub upon a chicken,
Too often will your body gawk,
And your arteries will thicken.
A diet rich in beans,
A diet rich in vegetables and fruit,
Will keep your body lean.
But if you wish upon a fish,
And rub upon a chicken,
Too often will your body gawk,
And your arteries will thicken.
It’s important to understand a few principals before I explore the main bullet points of the Mediterranean Lifestyle: What is food? Practice mind over food. Use simple logic.
What Is Food?
Foods included in the Mediterranean Lifestyle
It’s a wonderful time to be a fruits and vegetables lover. Green leafy leaves, rich red tomatoes, purple cabbage, and wonderfully yellow bananas can give your body the fuel that it needs to maintain everything! It’s very simple in my opinion: stay away from food products such as hotdogs (nitrites), Easy Mac, microwave safe meals, and snack packs. Almost anything in a package is safe to classify as a food product pumped with preservatives and qualifies as a hazard to your pooper.
Mind Over Food
If you are already on the right track and understand that a legume isn’t a stretch of saltwater separated by the sea containing a monstrous creature, I’d love to augment your knowledge of healthy eating lifestyles. Seriously, it’s not a diet. Stay away from calling anything a diet if you are serious about living on the planet earth. Far too often do we associate the word “diet” with weight-loss and a rigorous set of rules that, after a while, tend to be ignored. That’s a no-no in my medical journal. A healthy eating lifestyle is all about eating what is healthful for your body and telling the brain to stop thinking that something bad is actually something good.
The Poo-Poo Word of the Day: Diet
"Diets" aren't good for your mental pooper
Use Simple Logic
Would filling your car with pee-pee be a better source of fuel than gasoline? Perhaps cola will get you to Montanna faster than if you were to use diesel in your 18-wheeler? Pee-pee and cola will slow you down if not completely stop your vehicle just like eating too much sugar will make you sleepy or drinking too much of a psychoactive drug, C2H6O (ethanol), will cause you to black out. Being kind to your body now will be rewarding when you are long in the tooth.
The Mediterranean Lifestyle Pyramid
Click to enlarge
Pictured above is the Mediterranean Lifestyle pyramid. It’s actually one of many, but I like this one because its the simplest to read and understand. “Diets” can become over complicated with rules and laws, and rules...things you can’t eat and things you should. Some may tell you that carrots turn into sugar, which is true but...it’s a carrot. Applying a negative connotation to an otherwise pure from-the-earth vegetable complicates the entire idea of what diet truly means. It truly becomes a DIE-t when you have to think about a carrot as being bad for you. True, there is a difference when you are trying to lose weight, but if you are maintaining a Mediterranean Lifestyle while trying to lose weight, I almost guarantee success. It’s all down to willpower.
The Breakdown
Let’s break down the mediterranean pyramid together from bottom to top (we’ll skip the very bottom part entirely since exercise and social interaction is a given).
That’s basically it. You don’t need to think about it much more than that. If you’re in the store and are stumped think to yourself, “Does it come from the ground?” If so, buy a lot of it. “Does it bleed and how much?” Logically, a cow bleeds more than poultry or fish therefore buy the poultry or fish before buying the beef. “Is it sweet?” Stay far away and don’t look back.
- Eat food that comes from the ground that doesn't take long to prepare (along with whole wheat or whole grain food items), and here’s the kicker: along with these foods use olive oil in moderation, but as one of the only sources of fats and oils.
- If your source of food is challenging to obtain or takes slightly longer to prepare (catching, gutting, preparing fish), eat less of this kind of food.
- Food that is processed (unless you make your own cheese and kill your own chickens) and is of light-red meat, eat in moderate proportions.
- If it’s sweet or if it bleeds, eat very sparingly.
That’s basically it. You don’t need to think about it much more than that. If you’re in the store and are stumped think to yourself, “Does it come from the ground?” If so, buy a lot of it. “Does it bleed and how much?” Logically, a cow bleeds more than poultry or fish therefore buy the poultry or fish before buying the beef. “Is it sweet?” Stay far away and don’t look back.
Shopping Tips
- If you are a cookie monster and must have your sweets, stick to the highest percentage dark chocolate bar that you can buy. Buy organic too. The extra money you spend on organic dark chocolate is justified by purchasing fewer sweets. Chips come from bags, crackers come from boxes. They didn’t come from the ground so don’t buy them (it’s not real food despite the label telling you it’s ALL NATURAL and contains WHOLE GRAINS).
- When you’re shopping, forget reading the front label of a product. Pay attention to the nutrition facts. Buzz words like “All Natural” mean companies are allowed to use the word if they use ingredients that come from the ground. That goes for high fructose corn syrup, which is bad for you. The only thing manufacturers aren’t allowed to "mess with" is “Certified Organic” or “USDA Organic.” You can almost guarantee that the ingredients and processing was tampered with the very least.
- Stay away from the cereal aisle. Breakfast foods are for suckers because breakfast is a marketed meal. Also, the yummy boxed cereals are coated in sugar. Lose the Kashi. No matter how much they tell you it was made from the finest ingredients and sweetened with honey, the fact of the matter is IT WAS MANUFACTURED. Buy eggs. Since breakfast counts for only one meal and eggs are near the top of the pyramid, you don’t have to worry...you’ll only be eating these kinds of foods once per day! That goes for cheese and yogurt too. And hey, while you’re at it, make some poultry and eat it during breakfast. It’ll supply you with more calories and healthy protein during the most important part of the day. Think about it. You’ll be using that energy all day long. Plus, you’re out of ideas now that cereal isn’t an option anymore. If you have to eat something with a spoon, eat steel-cut oats.
 Eat the highest percentage DARK chocolate |  Look for food certified ORGANIC |  Steel cut oats are good for your pooper! |
If you read more about the Mediterranean (Diet) Lifestyle online, you may notice that most of these foods are associated with how many times per week you can eat them. Forget it. If you aren’t eating this way, simply introducing yourself to this lifestyle is for the better. It may not be easy to think in these terms at first, but once you’re accustomed to it, you’ll become a pro. That’s when you might want to start organizing in your mind how often you should be eating specific types of foods from this particular lifestyle.
Helper's Corner
Image Credit: Alex Zarnoski
Helper wants to challenge you. He wants you to stick to the Mediterranean Lifestyle every other day for two weeks. He thinks you’ll notice something... He also thinks you’ll feel better and want to go outside and play more often. Thanks helper!
I’ll leave you with an ancient nursery rhyme my grandmother used to recite.
I’ll leave you with an ancient nursery rhyme my grandmother used to recite.
Grandma’s Mediterranean Nursery Rhyme
A slippery, slide-y, sizzling mess,
Can cleanse your arteries nonetheless.
It’s green and glossy,
And sometimes bossy.
And pours from a bottle
Which Italian’s know best.
Can cleanse your arteries nonetheless.
It’s green and glossy,
And sometimes bossy.
And pours from a bottle
Which Italian’s know best.
That was my favorite rhyme about olive oil that my grandma used to read to me before bed. Her dishes were always healthily greased with extra virgin olive oil when she made me do the dishes in exchange for dessert. She lived to be 103 years old. In moderation, olive oil will help you maintain healthy cholesterol levels. It’s the oleic acid (monounsaturated fat) as well as alpha-linolenic acid (omega-3), and linoleic acid (omega-6) from which you’ll benefit. Remember to never overuse this healthful addition to your diet. It can have the reverse effects if abused.
This is Dr. Pooper telling you to eat your beans, forget the beef, and go outside and play.
This is Dr. Pooper telling you to eat your beans, forget the beef, and go outside and play.
