So.. what is Facebook Anyway?
The Wall
Likes & Comments
What if Facebook Was Connected to our Minds?
By: Charles McHale
Written by: Charles McHale Yay to Facebook! Why can't we have more Facebook!? We love it, so good! Haha, I'm just kidding folks. Okay so Facebook really is great in a lot of ways, but seriously, there are more things that we could use from Facebook not only from the features that we could potentially have, but of how we could make it part of our lives even more. So.. what is Facebook Anyway?Facebook is the new, awesome, great way to interact with everyone that you've ever known all your life. Okay, so it's not that new. It was originally called The Facebook when it was first launched in March 2004, but eventually changed to the much better name, Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg, formerly known as Mark Zuckerberg, created such a website able to bring millions of people together. How many people? One person? Maybe 2 people? Try 168 million from the U.S. alone, and over 309 million around the world as of January 2013. Whoashes!!! That's a lot of Likes and Comments for one website. That's like a person times 309 million... plus!! The WallYes ladies and gentlemen, we have a wall! No, not that kind of wall! The Wall is a way we can lash out our hopes, dreams and fears to all our friends we know and trust. Probably the best thing we could do when we're on our Facebook is tell people how our day is going really bad. It's a good way to get that bad feeling or angst out because all our friends on Facebook are always there for you. I see a lot of political wall posts as well. Considering politics is a great subject for all occasions, what can be a better way to talk about it than on a Facebook wall post? I know that when I post something political, there's not a single person judging me based on my political belief, especially if they agree with me. Fingers crossed for a comment from someone on that subject. Likes & CommentsComments? Anyone? Comments? Yes I'll take a bow? Hahahahahaha, no I won't take a bow (not yet!). Let the getting together begin folks! It's time to show someone that I agree with their opinion or their cry for help! Wait. I don't have time to put together a sentence, I'm going to Like it instead. No way! Yes way! If we're in a hurry, have nothing to say but still want to agree, or just plain don't feel like expressing a full comment, all we have to do is say "like" with a click of a button. Too much work Batman! I need a way to connect Facebook to my mind! Wait now. That's not such a bad idea! What if Facebook Was Connected to our Minds?Okay, so we got the boring part of this article out of the way. Sheez Louise! I'm about to pass out just talking about it all! So how would the world be if Facebook was a computer chip that could be surgically inserted into a human brain? And when I say that, I'm assuming that you understand that the chip will inhibit how we think as well, based on Facebook of course. How much better of a place would this be? How much worse? I decided to go to a bar. I get out of my car and make my way to the front door as I listen to Death Grips, no wait, Oneohtrix Point Never... no, no, no... Joe Jackson.. yeah.. on Spotify via Facebook. Yes it's blaring loud!! I have a speaker system connected to my penis!!.. So I open the door and walk in. There's no words, no talking, but just the mish mash of Stevie Wonder, Justin Bieber, and ZZ Top. Really, there is a plethora of music I heard that night, but you get the idea. I see people I know, friends of mine, just hanging out. They aren't talking. They're just looking at each other, shaking their head in agreement. I'm about to ask for a drink from the bartender, but it's already there, exactly what I was in the mood for. Who knew!? Well, the bartender knew because of Facebook I guess. I put money on the counter and he stops me. I thanked him for the free drink but he said that's not necessary, my credit card paid for it already, and his tip of my choice. Then he walked away, he looked pissed off. So I mingle a bit, shake heads with some of my friends, shake my head in disagreement to people I don't like at the bar behind their back, literally. Suddenly.. I'm in the mood for tearing it up in pool. I go over to the pool table, but it's covered in dust and soot. Still, two people stand on each side, no movement. I then see a holographic screen come up in the middle of the pool table saying "do you want to play pool with Charles?". One vote comes up "no". So I wait, fingers crossed getting at least one yes (one yes in any case is always a winner... don't ask me... I don't make the rules). Another vote for "no" comes up. DAMN IT!! I shake my head in disagreement as I leave. Suddenly, I hear Joe Jackson playing somewhere else beside from me. I look around and it's a beautiful girl just jamming out to "Steppin' Out". I approach her and she recognizes the song playing from me, "Is She Really Going Out With Him". So we shake heads in agreement, but we really shake heads a lot, really fast too, all in excitement and anticipation of the next thing we agree on. So then we leave and go back to my place. Is this really happening? I thought. This is happening! I thought again. So we get in the mood and we strip down. Time to get intimate!!... Video chat, pictures, video chat, pictures, pictures, pictures, video chat, pictures, pictures, video chat, video chat, video chat, pictures, video chat, then we collapse kind of next to each other, but not really. So time goes by and she's about to leave. I messaged her asking if I could have her number but she replied saying I already have her Facebook. I messaged saying that's cool and that we should do this again sometime, maybe next week. She replied saying she's busy and stuff. Getting the hint I was a little sad and pissed off. So, as she left, I regretfully messaged, "I now where you live bitch!!".
By: Charles McHale
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