As a 27 year old man, I've been around for a lot of innovations and ideas for candy. A lot of candies should have kept their ideas simple. They could've stuck with their original flavors, but in a selling market there's always room for innovation if there is indeed a really good idea. I don't mean take "that really good idea" and put it out in the public and see if people like it. I mean, have a really good idea and put it out in the public knowing that people will like it. To be honest, I don't know if that's what happened with Milky Way Midnight Dark (originally Milky Way Vanilla 1926), but I do know that this candy bar is so genius that it really should be the only milky way type considered. First I'll tell you why the other Milky Way varieties are okay or just right out bad.
I'll start with an okay, decent, Milky Way variety and that would be the original of all Milky Way varieties... Milky Way. Milky Way is the first I tried because the Midnight Dark, known as Dark at the time, wasn't really sold in the area that I live in. This bar was phenomenal to me because I hated peanuts back then and Snickers couldn't do it for me. Pig heaven for me at 5 or 6 or whatever.
So yes, this bar is a great bar for the first time trying it. But when I eat it now, it just seems like too much. There's not enough of a balance among the three flavors in the bar. It's got milk chocolate, check. Caramel, check. Nougat, check. All three of these flavors are great, but they're all so similar in taste that the three of them together almost mesh together as one. Plus they're all so similarly sweet, more than one bite to a rotting mouth can make it shatter. Even the color of the inside of the bar is anything but tri.
So yes, this bar is a great bar for the first time trying it. But when I eat it now, it just seems like too much. There's not enough of a balance among the three flavors in the bar. It's got milk chocolate, check. Caramel, check. Nougat, check. All three of these flavors are great, but they're all so similar in taste that the three of them together almost mesh together as one. Plus they're all so similarly sweet, more than one bite to a rotting mouth can make it shatter. Even the color of the inside of the bar is anything but tri.
Any gourmet chef looking at a candy bar like this for their first time would scoff at the color alone, yet, I would still give the bar a 3/5 rating if asked to give it a review (this is not a review blog so don't expect ratings on the rest of the bars I will be talking about you scoundrels). The 3 would be because of the innovation of the time the bar was released back in 1924. The lost 2 points is because it really is your Grandpa's candy bar.
| Milky Way Simply Caramel can completely go fuck itself. This candy bar is garbage through and through. It sucks so bad, I have no idea how this idea got further than it's Halloween release that it had for that year. I think it was released for Halloween? I'm probably wrong but I could give a shit less to check my facts on it. This all goes back to the variety and color in the candy. "Well caramel smidgens work fine and they're only cara-" Yeah no shit fuck face, because they're bite sized. And who buys caramel smidgens!? The only Smidgen I ever heard anyone freak out about is the peanut butter. "Well Reese's works as a candy bar and it's all peanut butt-" and no shit again, it's split up into two. But really, It doesn't seem like such an impossible feat when you feel like you can save one for later. Don't forget that Simply Caramel is a whole candy bar long. First bite, "wow that's really good". Second bite, "whoah that's a lot of caramel". 3rd bite *diabetic coma*. Worst of all, if you don't want to finish it, it feels like a waste to just throw it out. And don't fucking cover half the bar with the rest of the wrapper, be a man and finish you're fucking candy. If you're in the mood for Milky Way and only want the caramel part, just simply get the bites. At least you don't feel obligated to eat the whole bag even though you probably will. Fucking fatass. |
Caramel Apple is a brilliant idea for the holidays. Obviously this one was released for Halloween fitting the epitome of what to expect for the Fall and shitting your pants watching scary movies only to unwrap a caramel apple treat to feel comfort again until you get sick to your stomach from all of the caramel apple treats one may eat. These are delicious and satisfying, but there is still an unsettling factor. They're just too damn sweet. If this product was year round it would almost be sickening. Too much of a good thing some may say. I might say, better in small doses and that's completely true! But really, great for sales revenue for the fall.
Milky Way French Vanilla seems to be one of the better ideas for a consistent Milky Way bar. I have not tried it yet though, so I have no actual opinion of it. Intriguing though.
Hold on.
Make way.
So here it is, finally. The best of the best of the best, sir! The mother-load of almost all candy bars. The BAMF of all the BAMF's. So why is this candy bar so goddamn good?
As I was saying before about the original Milky Way, there are the three flavors that are barely even a trifecta. There's chocolate, nougat and caramel. But these flavors are all so sweet and similar that they all taste so similarly exact, especially since the nougat is chocolate nougat. This is exactly why Midnight Dark is so genius. It has the same exact qualities as the original Milky Way, but it's dark chocolate, vanilla nougat and caramel. All flavors so vastly different in taste, it makes a perfect combination for a perfect candy bar. A candy bar that's so good you don't only feel not obligated to eat the bar without a problem, but you can't wait for the next time you see it at your next gas station. At that very gas station you're even thinking, 'where is the Milky Way Dark? I might buy one today'. That is if you acquire the right taste for it.
So why is this taste worth acquiring? And why do the flavors work so well together? It's almost like the "Salty Sweet" combination people are always raving about. Semi-sweet (dark) and sweet (caramel) make a pretty good combination. What can make that combination better? Fucking vanilla. Because vanilla is so profoundly contrasted from the other two flavors, adding it makes an ultimate trifecta. To top it off, the color says everything.
As I was saying before about the original Milky Way, there are the three flavors that are barely even a trifecta. There's chocolate, nougat and caramel. But these flavors are all so sweet and similar that they all taste so similarly exact, especially since the nougat is chocolate nougat. This is exactly why Midnight Dark is so genius. It has the same exact qualities as the original Milky Way, but it's dark chocolate, vanilla nougat and caramel. All flavors so vastly different in taste, it makes a perfect combination for a perfect candy bar. A candy bar that's so good you don't only feel not obligated to eat the bar without a problem, but you can't wait for the next time you see it at your next gas station. At that very gas station you're even thinking, 'where is the Milky Way Dark? I might buy one today'. That is if you acquire the right taste for it.
So why is this taste worth acquiring? And why do the flavors work so well together? It's almost like the "Salty Sweet" combination people are always raving about. Semi-sweet (dark) and sweet (caramel) make a pretty good combination. What can make that combination better? Fucking vanilla. Because vanilla is so profoundly contrasted from the other two flavors, adding it makes an ultimate trifecta. To top it off, the color says everything.
Look at that. That's just fucking gorgeous. A gourmet chef seeing this for his first time would explode and I don't mean that just orgasmically. I mean orgasmic, then implode and explode immediately after. The only thing that might make this image a little bit sexier would be adding sea salt to the mix. Do I smell a salty-sweet sitcom? No.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not just biased towards Milky Way. I'm very aware that there are other candy bars to be considered. But to compare the Milky Way MD to everything else would just be ignorant to all the other chocolate bars that on the market today to review against. Snickers, Twix, Take5, Whatchamacallit and others. These are all viable chocolate bars in their own varieties that I can review in their own realm, but I won't. I ate a MilkyWay MD for the first time in a while and felt like talking about it. Go fuck yourself.
By: Charles McHale
By: Charles McHale
